Chav Beer

Please note: If you like good beer, this is what your government thinks of you.


Yo geezers! I was in t'market t'other day and I saw this stupid looking beer stall. It had loads of stupid looking beers from loads of foreigners, I passed them by cos I don't want to associate with foreigners.. I did see one though which was a tinnie. I drink my beers from a tin, it's the way God intended it! My beer of choice is Stella, I usually get through 6 pint tinnies a night and bloody love it! I picked up this beer tin because it said on the side it was 15.5%, I thought bloody hell! that will get me pissed real quick, I'll buy one of those tings.

I thought it would be real cool to drink this before a night out in Oceana, after all I needed to get drunk before I went out, those stingy bastards are always charging too much for vodka and coke. I was proper disapointed once I opened the tin, there was a bloody bottle inside! Rip off or what! And the bottle was tiny as well, I paid nuff for this, and the tin wasn't even full of beer.

Oh well, I bought it now and I aint returning it, I'd look like a proper muppet. The brewers from this 'O' brewery must be cool anyway, cos their label is covered in proper Egyptian graffiti innit. It had a real cool name. I poured it out and it was proper dark innit, it was like a Guinness me dad drinks.

I started to drink this stuff and thought right away I'd made a bloody mistake. Why the hell did I buy this, it smelled like a a hazelnut coffee me mum used to drink. I had it out of my prized Stella glass which I robbed from t'pub down the road, I drink all my drink out of that glass, even my high end Smirnoff vodka like. I tell you what this beer got me pretty pissed quite quickly blud, even if it did taste like a coffee that my mum had made with ten sugars in it.

The beer got me reaching for my fridge before I went out, so I went for the only thing I ever eat with my beers:

I bloody love a few tinnies and pizza, I'd eat it for the rest of my life if it didn't kill me by 45... The beer might have been in a stupid small bottle, and it might have been really bloody expensive, but it did get me really pissed, and after that, and loads of WKDs in Oceana I managed to pull a proper fit bird - I'm gonna have to start every night with one of these from now on, It's a guaranteed lay maker!

Once again, if you drink beer, this is what people in any sort of power think of you, regardless of what beer you may drink.